In Critcism of Praise

I was recently listening to my morning inspirational radio show on the way to work (The Border Patrol in 810) and heard Tim Grunhard, former Chiefs All-Pro offensive lineman talking about an experience he had with his daughter at the Kansas state swim meet.  In the preliminaries, his daughter swam the fastest time in the 200M individual medley by 4+ seconds ... that is a blowout in a 2-minute race!!  However, much to her disappointment, she was disqualified in the final and didn't receive a medal.  Tim was talking about her response to this severe disappointment and how he told her "Your response means more to me than any medal or state record could ever mean.  The strength of character you are showing tells me that you know what is really important and are ready to handle life's challenges."

Not unlike the story of Jake Dunn, former HCA student, just finishing his Junior year at a Christian school in Colorado.  His mom Jodi posted a picture of Jake on the podium shortly after taking second place in the Colorado state track meet.  In the photo, in spite of the disappointment, Jake is smiling broadly, congratulating the winner, likely the last thing he felt like doing at the moment.  His mom's comment - "This one made me cry when I got it today. Jake lost a race he badly wanted to win. His smile and sportsmanship with the winner made me one proud mama. He is a fierce competitor but in the end he has his priorities in check. I wish I could have been so good. You make us proud Jake. For God's glory."

These two storied reminded me of an article I recently ready in, of all places, the magazine on Southwest Airlines.   Written by Heidi Stevens of the Chicago Tribune, this article entitled In Criticism of Praise addresses the dark side of the "self-esteem movement" - the results of a culture where every achievement is lavished with praise.  In this article, she cites a study by Stanford University psychology professor Carol Dweek that shows this practice is actually counter productive.  An excerpt from this article (I would encourage you to take the time to read the entire article - it is well worth your time.):

"In the past three decades, parents have turned childhood into a sacred garden i which to plant seeds of self-esteem, cultivate those seeds with enriching endeavors, and fertilize them with heaping helpings of praise.  No gesture is too small to escape exhaltation.  Every achievement- indeed every movement - is an opportunity to rhapsodize.  All this despite clear and mounting evidence that this type of reinforcement is damaging our kids: The more they're called Extra Super Smart Geniuses, the further they go to protect that label - including bowing our of any activity that might challenge their reputation.  They stop taking risks, and their intellectual and emotional growth is stunted." 

Not all praise is counter-productive - the article distinguishes between outcome-oriented praise and process-orientation praise.  While the outcome-orientated variety is potentially destructive, the two real-life examples above are great examples of process-oriented praise, the kind of praise that encourages children to persevere, to accept new challenges - to grow!